You asked yourself why, when, how, and yet you don't even know where to start
Life as you now know it is not what it was meant to be
You let the flow carry you
Its only intention is to drag you to ocean
You have no will to fight back
No passionate purpose
Turn by turn you navigate not knowing what tomorrow will bring
In the end
Glancing back
U-turns
Dead ends
Traffic
2 roads cross
Only to extend infinitely away
Never meeting again
Numbness is not what you feel
You feel nothing at all
Anger, grief, joy, love, pain, hate
Slip right through you without stopping
A bitter aftertaste the only reminder they were near
Stumbling through drunken reality
Crawling through sober nightmares
The pressure mounts
The questions fall
Decisions to make
Raining down faster than Tetris blocks
No time to ponder
Every wrong move piles up without remedy
Before you know it
Game over
Nothing matters now
Regret never crossing your mind
At one point or another it was exactly what you wanted
Sometimes it seems like the harder it is to get
The more you want it
The harder you try
Until it reaches a point where you're just to dang lazy
Your conscience stabs you
Over and over
You ignore all sense
Choosing instead to hide behind a mask
To be your self or not be
Colder than the mountain stone
Where light cannot reach
An empty void
The city within you cries for space
Recognition of what could have been
Solitude has become a two faced friend.
Risk is not a game you play
Or something you take
It waits for the odds to be against you
Striking faster than a cobra
Its deadly venom; a sense of failure
You know what is right
You know what is wrong
Yet you know not how to choose
Are you climbing a stairway to heaven?
Or speeding down a highway to hell
Is there even a heaven?
They say there's an opposite of everything
A positive
A negative
So there must be a heaven because sometimes it really feels like hell
All the choices you make, are they really yours
Were they wise or are the flames licking at your heels
Was it pressure, or was it pain
Desperate boredom
All these mixed up feelings in my head
I’m tired of fighting for all the wrong reasons
Chains are broken and replaced
Like monkey in a zoo cage
I don’t mean to hurt anyone
I’m sorry if I went too far
There are some things I will never understand
It's killing me inside
Like an ever raging fire
I made a choice
The demons in me scream to be let out
But the chains only get tighter
I've become what I despise
Two faces are not better than one
My conscience?
At the bottom of the darkest pit.
My mind?
Lost in space
My heart?
Black ice
My soul?
Without remedy
My feet?
On the darkest path
I have an addiction
An addiction I can’t give up
It’s got me tied up in chains
No
It’s not Monster or caffeine
Follows me everywhere I go
It has a vise like grip on my mind
I can’t beat it no matter what I do
I go more than insane without it
No rehab center can cure me
Not even the one Lindsay Lohan went to
They say friends don’t let friends do drugs
This is no ordinary drug
It’s everywhere
In the streets
At school
At church
At work
Around the corner
Across the ocean
And all around the world
This drug is not the kind you buy in a back alley
All of Bill Gate’s money would not buy it
Like two matching sport cars on a MasterCard commercial
Priceless
I myself cannot obtain it
This drug has been offered to every one
But be careful
Choose the wrong one
And side effects may include but are not limited to,
Backstabbing
Drama
Suicide
Hell
Heartache
Ridicule
Rejection
Being dropped and slammed faster than an elevator falling from the 2nd floor.
There are no words to describe the crash you will suffer from the wrong kind
No amount of Tylenol extra-strength pills will relieve the pain
Only time
Lots of it
There are many variations of this drug
But the best ones are pure
Clear and refreshing like a mountain spring
It is impossible to overdose
The only withdrawal symptom is loneliness
All that is required of you is your time
You might say your time is also priceless
Think about all the lonely nights you spent with a bottle or rum
Or all the hours wasted playing RPG’s
When you could’ve been somewhere else getting acquainted with this drug
At the mall
In a ball game
A walk through the park
Or even some multiplayer Halo 3
This drug is not illegal
No one will criticize you for doing it
D.A.R.E won’t campaign against it
You’ve heard all your life that addictions are not good
No matter what the substance
But I think it’s a good addiction
This wonderful drug is
You
My friend
They say you have to be a friend to make a friend
I haven’t been a good friend
I’ve been more of a jerk
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time
But what is done, is done
One more year
Come and gone
And where am I?
I still don't know.
The days get darker
Ever fading sun
Half-empty moon
Still the battle rages on
Even fiercer
Still I know
What must be done
To end all this
From both sides forces pull
A tug of war
Only im the rope
An empty rope
Part of me wants to tear in two
Leave the fight behind
Everything and everyone
behind
One final mistake
My soul is tired
Why go on?
One last nap
Only for eternity
Hell waits
For the end I wish
ive become what i despise
i set myself up
now i must pay the price
of choosing my own path
and doing as i wish
i dont know how you do it
to keep me on this roller coaster
i cant stand you any longer
sitting in my head
i dont know who let you in
oh wait it was me
then again i dont know myself
i just want you out
sometimes
i sit here and wonder
what goes through your head
is it me at all
or am i really gone forever
in the cold i shiver
sometimes
i think i have it all figured out
but the truth is
i dont even know myself
how am i to know whats right
its not worth the fight
sometimes
i see the light at the end
the closer i get
the smaller it seems
this cant be the way
so they say
sometimes
i feel the pain
the pain i caused
absurd by all means
life goes on
death still has won
sometimes
the pain lingers
i cry within myself
i wish i could take it all back
and just be real
this feels so surreal
from this pit of darkness i am flying
the bitter past below me
does it consume thee?
the future awaits
the present sedates
one small slip away
please not today
send all of me to hell
where demons dwell
leave them behind
why cant i unwind?
is their testimony not enough?
the decision is too tough
just let me see
inside of me how
happy fits
where sadness sits